The best and worst secret.

We didn't announce our 3rd pregnancy on social media.

Both our other pregnancys, were announced at 12 weeks. The day of the scan, we posted on Facebook excited to tell the world our news. Apart from a bit of morning sickness, both early pregnancys went well and we felt safe to announce it, at the 12 week stage.

With the 3rd pregnancy, it was very different.

It started with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I needed one hospital admission, for fluids and multiple anti sickness meds, to even get out of bed.
But the sickness was nothing. Not compared to what happened on, the 21st June 2018.

I awoke at 0550 and knew something wasnt right. I realised I was bleeding, heavily and and after a brief phone call to 111, I was opening the  front door to the Paramedics and off for a trip in an ambulance. The bleeding so heavy, I had no doubt in my mind what had happened. We spent all morning in hospital, with me on fluids, coming to terms with what had happened. My sickness had also stopped abruptly, so we considered that another sign, that the pregnancy was over. I was 11 weeks.

We went home and  tried to keep things as normal as possible for the older two. This stopped me from falling apart. I felt like it was my fault. I'd let everyone down but I needed to be strong for my older two.

The next day we attended a scan, expecting to see nothing. To the disbelief of everyone, including the doctor, there in front of us was a bouncing little jelly bean with a strong heartbeat....!!!!! Shocked was not the word!! How had this happened? Why had this happened? We still had a baby! A fighting little bean!!

At the 12 weeks scan, there was still a pocket of blood present. It was diagnosed as a Subchorionic hemorrhage. We still had a jumping jelly bean but we also had a higher risk of miscarriage. We were then told, we had a higher risk of premature labour.
We decided at that point, to only tell close friends and family. It would be too hard to have to tell everyone, if the worst happened.

All we wanted to do was scream our good news from the rooftops, but we were scared to. We were scared to be excited. We were too scared buy anything. Every kick was reassuring but every moment, was also filled with fear.
I wanted that baby safely in my arms, before I told the world.

It felt odd, not having everyone know. I watched friends announce and show excitement, for their impending arrivals and wanted so badly to share my own news. But I always stopped myself. Scared of what might happen.

We were one of the lucky ones. On due date, our third baby girl arrived quickly and safely.
She made her social media debut the next day, to the shock of a few people!!

Facebook and social media announcements are not for everyone and people have reasons for not sharing, what should be, amazing happy news.

Our news felt tinged with fear, until she was in our arms but until that moment, she was best secret, we'd ever had.