Alone in a crowd.

I'll say it.... maternity leave SUCKS!! It might look lovely on the outside and don't get me wrong, I love spending my time with them and watching them grow and develop but it's a lonely, long day with no adults around.

I'm never without a child. Whether it's all three or just the baby. I always have  little person with me. So why do I feel alone in my crowd of little people?

We moved away from home, as I was posted to another city and it made financial sense to buy in the area, as it was cheaper than my home town. When I was working, I was always around people and made friends for life but when leaving the Navy to have my 2nd baby, I spent most of my time alone, with a toddler and a baby. I had no local friends or anyone I could call upon for a quick drink and a gossip. I had a splattering of family but my nan isn't really down to meet for a gin and a gossip!! It was hard but I knew, I would be returning to a local job soon. I knew once I was working in the area, I would make friends. And I did. I went back to work and made a great new bunch of friends, who I care for dearly but don't see, nearly as much as I'd like to. We all have our own life's and even though I'm at home, they are all at work.

This time its different. I won't be returning to work. The plan is for me to stay at home, as childcare and school hours and routines,  just dont fit in with our jobs. I had intended to return to work but being made redundant, before my maternity leave started, made us rethink and we realised, we'd be better off with me not earning and staying at home. But not going back to work, has taken away those few hours of adult interaction, that I suddenly crave so much.

If I was home, I could put the baby in the pram, walk to the local pub (where I used to work) and I'd be sure to find someone I know, for a gossip and laugh. But here, there's no-one. Just me, a snoring baby and a lonely gin and lemonade. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't hard and I'm not unhappy. I love where we live and I have no intention of moving but I'd just like to hold a conversation with an adult occasionally!!!

My days are filled with repeated questions from toddlers, talking to a baby and running around after them like a personal butler. I spend 24/7 with these kids (as there's always one in my bed) I don't even get to pee without one of them there but sometimes, I feel alone. Talking to them is not the same as chatting at work with friends or just being able to sit and enjoy the day, without wondering what they are doing or why they've suddenly gone so quiet!!
Husband works shifts, so when he's on lates it's just me and the kids all day, and then just me and the baby in the evenings. It's quiet and I often find myself twiddling my thumbs, as there's nothing on the TV and no-one to chat to.
I've gotten around my no-one to chat too problem, by talking to the cat. But to be honest, he's quiet and never responds. He also walks away from me, mid conversation which is extremely rude!

Most days are good and I love being at home with them we laugh and play and chat about random stuff. They've just brought a ladybird in to show me and the pure excitement on their faces, was so nice to see. I would have missed that moment, if I was at work. I wouldn't get to see them play on their bikes or play football or write their names, so well. Someone else would be teaching them all that and I'd be there at weekends. I'm extremely grateful for not missing all these moments and I'm grateful that I will be able to walk Number 1 to and from school, in September. It's just sometimes, I want to talk about TV or have filthy, rude, full of laughs conversations with other adults!! Sometimes, I don't care about the ladybirds, I wanna laugh at willys!!!

So, next time you think someone on maternity leave or a SAHM, has the life of luxury, just think beyond the being at home all day. Think about their potential lack of adult interaction. Think about how it's just them and toddlers or babies, all day. Think about how it may not be all rosy for them, as they have no-one to vent to or to highlight to, that they are in fact struggling. Think about all the willy conversations, they are missing out on!!

Reach out to someone who's at home with kids all day, you might not understand how much that drink or chat may mean to them.